


Advice for the Graduating Class

by Gwynne



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: The Admiral shares his thoughts ably assisted by Markov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:45:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3505559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwynne/pseuds/Gwynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The good Admiral shares his wisdom and experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Advice for the Graduating Class

Well, Markov, once again we see just how ruthless certain high-ranking officers can become once they turn into politicians. I mean, you take a perfectly effective officer, a fine man who’s cut through the foe like a knife through butter, unflinching in the face of enemy fire with an enviable death count, a wonderful example of Barrayaran military honour and decency, and then he goes into politics and suddenly he’s vicious, unscrupulous and totally without thought for the feelings of others. It’s sad, I tell you. 

Take that as a warning, don’t ever associate with your fellow officers once they turn bad and get political. I mean, Aral Vorkosigan was a charming man, good officer, could drink anyone in the fleet under the table, or at least slide under it with proper Vorish style. Marvellous Admiral - half the time he just had to turn up with a reasonable-sized fleet and the enemy would turn tail – it was glorious to see those Cetagandans panic as he sliced their ships to shreds. Truly inspiring and a credit to the uniform. But now he’s a sneaky, bloodthirsty, unfeeling weasel. “This is right up your street,” he says. “You’re just the man we need for this little job,” he says. “You’ve got the right attitude for this,” he says. Right attitude? I’m an officer in the Imperial military. I have no attitude. 

But before I could escape – the man had me pinned between a marble pillar and Countess Vorinnis, neither one was easy to shift, brilliant tactician is Vorkosigan – he’d dumped this ‘little job’ of his onto me. The whole incident totally ruined the Emperor’s Birthday celebrations for me, let me tell you. It was hard to enjoy the fine wine at the Residence with this hanging over my head. I was so upset I couldn’t get past the third bottle. Tragic waste of a good opportunity. And because I was still sober enough, I not only had to dance with my wife, I also had to give her sister a turn around the floor. I’m really beginning to wonder if my sister-in-law is a leftover from some Cetagandan experiment, seriously. No ordinary woman looks that much like a wart-hog. Unfortunately I was sober enough to dance, but not sober enough to keep that observation to myself. Frankly the Emperor’s Birthday was a bit of a disaster all round for me, and I blame Aral Vorkosigan for the entire debacle. 

So now, I have to put something together for the ‘little job’. Giving the awards to graduating cadets at the Academy, which wouldn’t be so bad, but I have to ‘say a few words’ as well – really, I ask you, just what am I supposed to tell them? ‘Give them the benefit of your experience’ he says. ‘You have the kind of forward-thinking ideas we need to encourage’ he tells me. What ideas? I haven’t had an idea in years. Don’t need them, don’t trust them, and can’t see why any member of the military should even try to have ideas. The whole point of being in the military is that you don’t have to bother with that sort of thing, they tell you what to think and when, and very restful it is too. Thank goodness my dear wife believes in that as well. I haven’t needed to think at all ever since I married her. 

A speech. What do you tell a room full of snotty-nosed little oinks who think they’re God’s gift to the military? They’ll find out the truth soon enough. Besides, with all the wretched peace we have now there hasn’t been a decent war for ages. Our military forces will be too soft to fight off the Vorbarr Sultana Marching Band if we don’t get out and attack someone soon. It’s all the same these days, even the Cetagandans have gone quiet. Soft, that’s what it is. Sad to see all the way these modern times are eroding our standards. 

Ah well, we can’t keep on looking back to the good old days.

So, a speech. To broaden their horizons. 

Seriously, the last thing we need is a cadet with broad horizons. Nose to the grindstone and keep your mind as blank as possible, that’s the ticket. Stay out of trouble and keep your head down, and who knows where you might end up. 

But I need something a bit longer than that.

And I have to send it across to the Protocol Office – see how far we’ve fallen? Protocol, I ask you. I miss the days when questions of ‘protocol’ could be settled with a well-aimed plasma arc. Sad, very sad. But the Protocol Office want to see the speech before I deliver it. Ridiculous. Just what do they think I’m going to say? Nervous Nellies, the lot of them.

So….

* * * * * * * 

Advice to Our Graduating Cadets, not that they’ll take the slightest bit of notice.

So, here you all are. A fine body of men, ready to take your places in our glorious Barrayaran military. And women, too. Fine bodies of women. Not that I’m looking at your bodies, of course. For the purposes of this speech you’re all the same. So you little ladies just settle back while I speak about the fine careers these young men are going to have.

Now, the military. Do as you’re told, keep your mouth shut, and you’ll be fine. Above all, never ask any questions. Stupid mistake, that – if you ask anything they think you’re interested, and the next thing you know you’ve got another job. No, don’t ask anything. 

Next thing to remember is that there’s a rule for everything. Just follow the rules, you don’t have to think at all. Someone else did all the thinking years ago, so you don’t have to.

I know that most of you are hoping for ship duty. Big mistake. You spend most of your time in a tiny box surrounded by people who’ve never been house-trained, and you can’t escape them, even for a moment. Some people just have no social skills, and no consideration for others. Special word of advice here, if you do get stuck on ship duty, make friends with one of the medics. If you need a good night’s sleep or a bit of peace, there’s nothing like a few of their special sleeping tabs. Grind them up in your cabin-mates’ meals and you’re guaranteed a few blessedly quiet hours. Just check every now and then that they’re still breathing, it’s the comradely thing to do.

Now, if you’re on shore leave, take some sensible precautions. Don’t go ashore on Beta, for a start – the place is full of deviants, and their disgusting social customs will shock all of you young people who’ve been raised with proper Barrayaran attitudes towards their disgraceful behaviour. Some of you Komarrans would probably be right at home, from what I’ve heard of the place. Nice to know you’re good for something.

And remember, all of you, that if you’re on another planet you represent the flower of Barrayaran youth and culture, so mind that you behave properly. Always pay the streetwalkers, they screech their heads off if you shortchange them, and they usually have minders somewhere close. If you’re going to get into a fight with them, make sure you win, and have it well finished before the shore patrol arrive – they generally time it to give you a chance to have things properly sorted, and get your stories straight, before they arrive. 

Don’t forget, we’re at peace with the Cetagandans right now, so if there’s any energetic discussions, make sure you get a few extra kicks in without any witnesses. 

Those of you who will be staying on planet shouldn’t feel bad. Many people can have a fine and useful career without actually doing anything – you girls will enjoy working in nice safe offices. We always need someone to bring the coffee, and you’ll brighten the place up a bit. Maybe you could redecorate, or something. Just till you get married and settle down, of course.

Some of you will be going into specialist parts of the force. There’s always a need for people who speak all four of our languages properly – lord knows somebody has to translate whatever it is those Greekie hicks are whittering on about. And there’s engineers, and all that science stuff… somebody has to do it, and very useful it is too. Don’t feel bad if you get sent off into one of those parts of the force, you’re doing a useful job and helping our men on the front lines. Even if we don’t have any front lines right now.

Sadly, a few of you will probably go into ImpSec. ‘Nuff said on that one. Slimy weasels. You can never tell what an ImpSec man is thinking - it’s most unsettling, they think far too much for military men. Always running around telling everyone to pay attention, but not telling you why. I never bother reading their memos, myself – if it really matters then someone will tell me all about it sooner or later. Stay far away from Horus eyes, that’s my motto. 

So, just remember, we each serve in our own way. You’ve done a fine job to get this far, and if you keep your heads down and don’t do anything silly you’ll find that forty years goes by in the blink of an eye. Just don’t do anything silly like volunteering, or coming up with ideas, or trying to be heroic. 

Follow orders, kill the enemy when required, and keep quiet the rest of the time. And you’ll have a fine career in the Barrayaran military. And the same goes for you proles, and Komarrans, and women, too. 

…. Alright Markov, this sounds fine to me. It’s just a few words before I give out the awards to the top graduates, won’t make a blind bit of difference, they’re all heedless grubs at that age anyway. Just check the spelling, thanks. 

Oh, and you’d better send a bunch of flowers to my wife. From me, of course, not you. To let her know that I’m sorry I told her sister she looks like a wart-hog. Although maybe you shouldn’t put that on the card. She’ll understand.

++++++++++++++

Remarks to the Graduating Cadets at the Military Academy, delivered by Rear Admiral Stefan Vorlakial:

I’m proud to see you all here today, young men and women from all three planets in our wonderful Empire, all poised to start your military careers.

Remember as you move into your chosen fields that you should always show a great interest in your work, and consult with superior officers whenever you have any questions. Be open and eager to take on any extra responsibilities and new tasks.

You can rely on the military structure and chain of command to protect you and to challenge and encourage you. Never be afraid to offer new ideas to improve the situation.

Ship duty, if you are fortunate enough to be assigned to it, is a wonderful experience for a young officer. The conditions on board can be challenging at first, but it allows you to form friendships that will last through your career. You and your fellow officers will bond over shared experiences, and build a great deal of trust and respect. 

Shore leave also broadens your horizons, as you see new cultures and enjoy the different experiences available to you. Places such as Beta will challenge your assumptions, and offer many new ways of looking at things. 

Whatever the planet, always treat the local citizens with respect. Shore patrol will be available if you need assistance in dealing with the local citizens, but it’s always best to try and resolve any situation before it escalates. Avoid misunderstandings whenever possible.

Our current and most fortunate long period of peace allows you to even interact with Cetagandans at times, and you may have the opportunity for positive interpersonal exchanges with our former enemies. 

Of course, many of you won’t be on ship duty, at least at first. There are many varied and interesting jobs within the Empire, and all of you keen young men and women will have the opportunity to use your talents and skills to the greatest advantage.

There are many specialised areas, such as linguists, scientists and engineers, who are no doubt already looking forward to expanding your skills and working with those at the top of your fields. You have some very satisfying and productive work ahead of you. 

A few of you may have been selected for work with ImpSec. This will be a stressful but very rewarding branch of the service, and you have the respect and support of the rest of us.

Each of you will serve to your utmost, utilising your skills and talents for the good of the Empire, the honour of the service, and for your own satisfaction. None of us know what time will bring, but you will look back on this day with pride as the start of a long and fulfilling career.

Just remember that all of you – men and women, from Barrayar, Sergyar and Komarr, are all united as part of our fine Barrayaran military forces. I congratulate you all and welcome you to the service.


End file.
